F R I D A Y,     J U N E    3 0,    2 0 0 6
-- Special "Landmark Decision" Edition--
    T H E     R E A L    E S T A T E    C E N T E R

Ready for his close-up, Mr. DeMille
    With cameras from every news station in the Tri-State pointed at him, Judge Nick Nadel heard almost six hours of testimony in the latest chapter of the Wyoming Swimming Pool lawsuit on Wednesday, when a group of angry Wyoming Racists railed against that City's leaders, led by a man known only as "Savage."

    While we're told the Savage did not make an appearance at the hearing, he did dispatch a legion of City attorneys led by Joe "Mr. Don't Know It All" Braun from his expensive downtown law firm to defend the case. Family Friendly Fascist Chris Finney says the Wyoming Swimming Pool controversy is nothing compared to his Loveland $1.16 tax case which holds the record for most outrageous trial of the century.

    Not to be outdone, greedy hearse-chasing liberal lawyer $tan Che$ley says that neither the Wyoming Pool case or the $1.16 tax scofflaw case compares to his landmark Beverly Hills $upper Club trial that launched his career as a sleazy hearse-chaser, so years later he could produce enough money for him to buy Mrs. $tan Chesley a lifetime appointment to the federal bench.

    Spectators were disappointed that neither attorney found a way to work in a reference to Pete Rose or the Hall of Fame during the trial. However, never missing an opportunity to play to the press, Nadel took at least two "media breaks" during the Wyoming trial in order to comb his hair, sign autographs, and adjust his chair so that he could make sure the cameras would catch his best angle.

    The group of angry racists are demanding that Wyoming's new swimming pool be located within the Wyoming City limits and be restricted only to the Rich, Pasty-white, God-fearing, Privileged People of Wyoming who drive expensive luxury vehicles. In an apparent compromise, the group leading the effort removed the requirement that all members also be former P&G employees. In the spirit of Mike Allen, the Wyoming racists are being represented by a former prosecutor turned criminal defense attorney Steve Goodin. Goodin was joined by current Hamilton County Assistant Prosecutor Michael O’Neil. “Jaywalking Joe” Deters reports to the Blower that O’Neil was not on county time but instead took yet another "vacation day" in order to appear in Court and represent the angry mob of protestors.

    At the end of the hearing, Nadel announced that he did not intend to issue a verdict until Friday, to see if more television cameras could fit in his courtroom.

    Joe “Mr. Don’t Know It All” Braun complained that any delay could cost Wyoming up to $600,000 extra for their swimming hole (not including Strauss & Troy’s exorbitant fees). Judge Nadel responded, “But, Joe, there are 800 voters who signed that petition, and there are only six clown-cil men. Besides, where else am I going to get all this great publicity for free? Do the math, and be happy with your fees.

    Meanwhile, from Cincinnati City Hall, as six of our nine fine clowns caved in on rubber stamping the choice of Girly Man Mayor Mark Mallory's Milk Chocolate Doughbaby city mangler, RINO Remover found out what Ghizzy Lizzy has been text messaging during those meetings.

    And in Northern Kentucky, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo shows
some recent photos he's received:
    Our NoKY Snitch sent in Safari Ken's latest endorsement

        Kamal the Photoshop Assassin shows
us Goof Doofus’ new Sponsor

    And here’s a reminder from the Covington Firefighters:

Hey Jay, Since you’re changing the Covington/ Wal-mart city logo, can we change our contract that expired over one and a half years ago? We still got the scary Halloween font that you chose. And by the way, why was the administrative dept. (the dept. where you and your asst. city manager's salary is budgeted) the only dept. that cut it's staff by two positions (totaling $100,000.00 just in salaries) yet your department's budget still increased? Where did that money go?

Please respond, Anita Rays....STILL!

Stories We're Working On
    Why Honda wouldn't come here

    How Board of Revulsion Hearings are rigged

    Pepper: Disney rides at Freedom Center

    Where to buy illegal fireworks

    McEwen grand marshal at Anderson Parade

    Bitch McConnell supports Flag Burning

    Miss Vicki's new TV show

Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s why the first 17,648 Whistleblower Readers Poll respondents said most Americans would celebrate their Fourth of July holiday:

(A) Watching patriotic parades: 2%

(B) Sweltering in traffic: 1%

(C) Worrying about terrorists: 1%

(D) Getting another day off with pay: 96%

Note: Everything we write doesn't have to be so mean-spirited, it's just so much more fun that way!

Declaration of Independence Update

     “We hold these truths to be self evident; that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty, and pursuit of 40% off on a mattress at Laz-Mart’s Fourth of July Sale.”

Don’t All Try to Leave at Once

     This week, everybody who's not surprised people are leaving Cincinnati faster than any other city, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.

     The winner is Harry Homeowner, who says, "And you thought the way DemocRATS ran New Orleans was bad." Harry win free use of a U-Haul van and enough illegal Hispanic laborers to help him move, information on how to turn his old home into Section Eight Housing because nobody will buy it with all those sky-high property values, and petitions to circulate for any Republican who says he's running for Hamilton County Auditor. His winning limerick is:

     Here's why everyone's leaving the city,

    And here's the whole nitty gritty:

     It's the streets full of grime,

     And just loaded with crime,

    From a clown-cil that evokes only pity.

    Here's why everyone's leaving the city,

    You don't need a fact-finding committee;

     Misunderstood urban yoof,

     Keep raising the roof,

    Thugs and drugs made the 'Natti un-pretty.

    Here's why everyone's leaving the city,

     All the bureaucrats have their hands in the kitty.

    When a drive-by re-appraisal,

     Leaves only scraps on your table,

    What you have left is just itty-bitty.

    The first line of next week's limerick is:

    "At a Board of Revulsion Hearing."

Award-winning illustrator Artis Conception shows us why many homeowners believe Board of Revulsion Hearings are rigged

e-mail your horror stories to whistleblower@cinci.rr.com

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Portman’s Legacy