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Why is this man smiling?
  What the Hell is up with Me, Greg Hartmann, Clerk of Courts these days? Has he lost his freaking mind, or is he too self-absorbed with the importance of some state job? He has taken a first-in-the-nation award winning court website devised by Jim Cissell, slapped his ugly mug on it and rendered it totally useless. What happened since Monday that caused him to think that all court records previously available for all these years had suddenly become so top secret and sensitive that nobody was entitled to look at them? The Gregster is totally out of control, or maybe he’s just out of town.
Is that our good friend Bobby Leach we hear auditioning for bigger and better things on 55 WKRC Radio's Morning Show this week? Our radio quintigenerian quipster a perfect ten with his line about Rush Limpbaugh's being briefly detained at the Palm Beach International Airport when customs agents found Viagra in his luggage. Bobby said Limpbaugh wasn't arrested because the evidence wouldn't stand up in court.
In its first Senatorial endorsement of the year, The Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence this week endorsed anti-gun Senator Mike DeWhine (R-Ohio).
In lauding the anti-gun efforts of Our Sniveling Senator, the group cited DeWhiner's unsuccessful effort to block the "Protection of Lawful Commerce in Arms Act," (which was signed last fall by President Bush), his ill-conceived efforts to create a "firearm tracing" database, and his push for sweeping semi-automatic firearm bans.
"In politics, you're defined as much by the battles you fight where you fail as those you win," said Michael D. Barnes, president of the Brady Campaign. And if anyone knows about failure, it's the soon-to-be-departed Barnes and the Brady Bunch.
Speaking of sniveling, senatorial snitch attended Mike DeWhine's Ice Cream Social Shakedown in Cedarville, Ohio. The Sniveler's home was open to the public. To say he lives at the house is a crock. Lots of work had been done by landscapers and all the paint had been touched up by contractors. Senator DeWhine delivered a long boring speech that got the base happy. A TV film crew from Pennsylvania was there. Hollywood lights were set up and the Senator and his wife had makeup put on. Mrs. DeWhine's outfit looked wrinkled. T-shirts were sold for $15 each. Lots of ice cream from Young's Dairy Farm was served. Hot dogs were only $1. Children's sack races and painting faces and parts were offered for free. P-P-P-P-atrick was there minus his old Jungle Fever Gal. We don't know whose kids he had with him. It was almost a Disney perfect moment. Signs and t-shirts were seen for Betty Montgomery and Blackwell/Raga, but none of those candidates showed up. Me, Greg Hartmann was making the rounds. There was no sign of That Lying Bitch Mean Jean Schmidt or any other Ohio Congressman. Unlike years past, only a couple of local TV stations bothered to attend, leaving the provided generator unused. Shannon Faulkner Jones was there to suck up to P-P-P-Patrick and get her mug on TV. (I'm waiting for my close-up, Mr. DeMille!) The Senator said he gets the job done, brought federal money for state university research projects, protected Ohio's steel mills, provided health care for the young, and defended the nation, and he only used on 3x5 cards to remind himself what to claim. The crowd was miniscule, maybe 300 people tops, for all the hoopla and free ice cream. As his poll numbers drop so does DeWhiner's support. The DeWhine Campaign claimed 3,000-5,000 attended. P-P-P-Patrick must have been c-c-c-c-ounting.
Meanwhile, Disingenuous DemocRAT Paul Hackett said he was sniffing at the offer made to my to veteran clients. What's he going to do next, lift his leg? Seriously, this former Congressional candidate is suing the Federal government for $26.5 BILLION all because some goofball lost a disk with data on it. Hackett's 33% would be nearly $9 BILLION, enough to put Poor Paul right up there with the wealthiest of Americans like Bill Gates and the Wal-Mart family. Tell us again about DemocRATS being the party of the poor. It's more like they party on the backs of the poor.
When the Fishwrap declared "Tougher standards to blame for lower UC enrollment, most people say, "Well, Duh!" But what about all that crime around campus, don’t those poor misunderstood yoofs get some credit? Plus, UC has scads of scholarships to lure the kids. Maybe pictures of Nasty Nancy kept them away.
 Did you notice Sunday's DISCOVER special section in the Fishwrap? Well, Discover the cover. It features the entire family of Smiling Bob. Who's Smiling Bob? Smiling Bob is the guy who did the TV commercials for Enzyte, the penis enlargement pill. HE HAD A HUGE GRIN AND HIS WIFE WAS WITH HIM, ALSO WITH A HUGE GRIN. Check him out on Google.
And Thomas Jefferson must've had the Fishwrap in mind when he said, "The man who never looks into a newspaper is better informed than he who reads them; inasmuch as he who knows nothing is nearer the truth than he whose mind is filled with falsehoods and errors."
Our City Hall snitch, (who accesses his/her personal e-mail for little snitches) finds it most interesting that leading the charge on knee-jerk reactions to headlines was Clown-cilman Jeff "Cry Baby" Berding, who campaigned on Mayoral and Council restraint, now leading the charge on a health issue in the Rules Committee! Not only has Berding epitomized the hypocrisy, he's now leading the brat pack at Council: those newbies who know it all. No wonder Mike Brown wanted him out of the office.
Was Laketa Cole really selected as one of the 2004 (Black) Leaders of the Future Award by the soon to be Cincinnati City Manager Milton Dohoney? Wasn't she also co-chair of the local city mangler selection committee? What a coincidence!
And was Looney Laketa in a hurry to get out of the city on her motorcycle when she had the accident? Her house in Bond Hill valued at $90,000 has no air conditioner. She only pays $1,535.88 in taxes, so she should be able to afford central air, or at least a helmet.
Girl Man Mayor Mark Mallory lives with his mommy and daddy at 925 Dayton street. Never trust a politician who doesn't pay property taxes as he has no stake in the city. That house is valued at $120,000 and they pay only $1,046.40 in property taxes.
Dale Mallory must live in his car or one of those homeless shelters he sponsors, as his Dayton Street is valued at $12,600, and is boarded up and hays no stadium tax assessment. His other piece of property at 2022 Baymiller Street had its value go down from $6,800 to $5,900!
It's a cinch, the Mallorys won't be asking for a Board of Revision Hearing any time soon, like our Beloved Publisher Charles Foster Kane, whose property values were jacked up after the Disingenuous DemocRAT County Auditor's "certifiable" appraiser got caught with his contrived bureaucratic attempt to justify the Auditor's computer-generated 41% increase.
With only 87 more days till the 50th Reunion, members of the Forrest Gump High School Class of 1956 are watching Kane's case carefully. If he loses, those still living in Hamilton County will likely be moving out too.
There's a big LEASING NOW sign on ONE LYTLE PLACE and a phone number: 888-811-8192. The "corporate headquarters" phone rings in Denver, Colorado. When you ask about the building a girl flips through information, since she's never seen the building. When saying you're interested in a "RIVERVIEW" she is baffled and also cannot say where the pool is located.
 Speaking of signs, check out the one in Spanish at State Ave. and Western Northern Blvd. The only English words on it are “American Family Insurance.” Happy illegal family, soon to lose their Medicare if they can’t provide a US birth certificate or US passport. Ohio is one of the states dragging it's feet, saying they need more time to notify the poor that they also need to be able to prove they're legal. Why don’t we just deport them, if they can’t?
A Blue Ash couple was killed this week-end, in Destin, FL, where they were hit by a drunk illegal alien. How many drunk illegals leave the Kellogg soccer field on Sunday? We know they are drinking from 10 am to 9 pm! They leave enough empties on the lawn.
Whistleblower Spoiled Sportscaster Andy Furball says when you sign up for a soccer league, to use the soccer fields on Kellogg, it's for a particular time. We're sure the Mexicans don't sign up for 500 people and their families to "play" on the soccer fields until 9PM on Sunday night. They had their beer in coolers yesterday!
On the other hand, FurBall says the 12U Tealtown Patriots baseball team would like to thank Reds ace Bronson Arroyo for signing autographs last weekend at Roselawn Park. Bronson, you give Cincinnati some much-needed class - thanks for making our night memorable!
Bluegrass Boner Boosters
 Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says what they didn't tell you about Billionaire Ralph Drees' and Safari Kenny Lucas's trip to Africa, was that on the way back CVG airport customs officials held old Ralphie for three hours because he had Viagra in his possession, but it did not have a prescription label on the bottle, just like El Rushbo.
They also didn't tell you about the infamous NoKY Lawyer who now owns a swanky bar and night club across from Newport on the Levee and that the sign outside his establishment on Sunday morning read "Come get drunk!" on the sandwich board.
They also didn't tell you that Clueless Mark Wilson missed the cut for the top 20 of Kentucky lobbyists listed in the recent edition of Kentucky Gazette. With clients filing bankruptcy and going belly-up, it's hard to keep those lobbying revenues high every year. Maybe that's why Clueless hasn't invited us to lunch lately.
They also didn't tell you that while Billionaire Ralph Drees was on vacation, Scarry Garry Edmondson and Scott "Pass the Biscuits" Kimmich cooked up a plan to oust Chuck Korzenborn as sheriff next election.
Too bad Ralphie was held for three hours in customs, because Joan Davidson, the Betty Crocker cookie baking candidate for Kenton PVA, was waiting with a large basket of fabulous, chocolate chip cookies for Ralphie and Irma at the baggage claim.
And where the hell has Rodney the Crazy Evangelist been lately? He was spotted going door-to-door with little unemployed, Steve Megerle in Latonia Terrace.
The deadline is nearing for Ft. Mitchell clown-cil co-mayors, Mr. and Mrs. Holochers to file for their re-election campaign. Rumor has it that Mrs. Mayor might be gagged and kidnapped on filing day so she cannot make the trip to Covington to file her papers. She is also having trouble finding two people to sign the forms.
MainStrasse Village residents and business owners are outraged that Jerry "Conflict of Interest" Bamburger, has asked the City Manager to draft changes to a proposed zoning ordinance that would allow any "bar, restaurant or microbrewery" into the Village without having to go before the Board of Adjustments. Microbrewery? Only one Village idiot wants a microbrewery, Cosmo's CEO Jerry "Bad Ass & Don't Ask for Permits" Blashkee --- does he bankroll the Bamboozer's campaign too? Oh, when will these Village crybabies learn -- money talks, BS walks. Newsflash: This proposed change will happen. Sorry Villagers.
According to the new City of Independence newsletter the mayor, Chris Moriconi, was touting the city’s large budget surplus this year that allowed them to pay off the City's senior centers debt of $208,000 early. He also boasted that they were going to add one more police officer to the city's 25 man department to cover the fastest growing city in the state with its 30 plus new subdivisions going in. However what he did not mention was the fact that they are not going to hire the new officer until January so it only affects half of their budget in this fiscal year. He forgot to mention in his newsletter that the surplus came from increasing city employees’ health care co-pay to $30 for office visits and up to $3,000 for out of pocket expenses on hospital visits. Chris also overlooked the Police Department, which hadn’t received a raise since 2001, that was only approved for a 3% cost of living increase. Scrooge-like, the city clown-cil wanted to find out the cost-of-living for last year, and if it was less than 3%, that’s all the cops would get, but if it was higher, guess what, the cops would be stuck at 3%.
Seems like Boone County PVA is acting like his big brother across the river and doubling some tax assessments at will. How about that one in Walton on Main Street? Seems like you can't even reason with the man. We didn't know Main Street in Walton was such a hot spot!
Finally, how did Goof Doofus announce federal education funding for Northern Kentucky?
 Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know, and certain people ought to be damn glad we don't.
BONER BOOSTERS HOT LINE
e-mail your illegal prescriptions to whistleblower@cinci.rr.com.
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