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Real e-Mails From Real Subscribers
 Just because we didn't inform Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about his original hearing date until after all his information had to be in doesn't mean we're aiding and abetting the Disingenuous DemocRAT Auditor who jacked up his property values 41%. --Hamilton County Board of Revulsion
We wish we could raise our rates as easily as your Disingenuous DemocRAT Auditor jacks up your property values. --Duke Energy
With BlueChipReview.com no longer in business, what if we published the Blower every day on our website? --CincyNation
Just because we don't want to build our new swimming pool in predominantly Black Woodlawn doesn't mean we're racists. --The Rich, Pasty White, God-fearing, Privileged People of Wyoming
Thanks for not mentioning the number of people who left Cincinnati since we've been sworn in, either on their feet or in a box. --Girly Man Mayor Mark Mallory and our Nine Fine Clowns on City Clown-cil
Please thank the Kneepad Liberals in the Press for not asking why I wasn't wearing a helmet when I had my motorcycle accident. –Cincinnati City Clown-cil President Pro Tem Laketa “I Ain’t Wearing No Helmet ‘cause It Messes Up My Hair Do” Cole
What's the best part about being a Federal Judge? You get free dry cleaning for your robes. --Masturbating Mike Barrett
He only got to be a federal judge because we didn’t tell what happened all those times after hours at the Graydon Head & Ritchey law library. –Judges Sandy Beckwith and Mrs. $tan Che$ley
Did you ever come up with my American Indian name? --Ben-gal Becky
My new campaign web page is still coming soon. --Steve Chabothead
With only 88 more days till the 50th Reunion, one of our classmates is busy writing a tell-all book. --Forrest Gump High School Class of 1956
The reason I'm suing Dennis Spiegel is because I want everybody to know I came up with the stupid idea of charging people to climb Purple People Eater Bridge. --Thom Jackson
Today we're spreading our message of alarm about the illegal alien invasion to the people in Oklahoma City. Bet you can't guess what state that's in.
--Paul Reveres on Motorcycles
If you want leasing information, the girl in our corporate headquarters in Denver will be glad to help you. --One Lytle Place
As my poll numbers continue to drop, so did attendance Sunday at this year's ice cream social fund-raising shakedown. --Sniveling Senator Mike DeWhine
Please don’t ask why I’m siding with DemocRATS and stalling on the jail issue.
– P-P-P-Pat DeWhine
Please don't mention that both DeWhiner and I voted to give Social Security benefits to illegal aliens. --Senator Voinovich
Did you see that scruffy Mexican holding a sign that said "Will work for $5 an hour, Section 8 Housing, $3,200 Earned Income Tax Credit, food stamps, free health care, free breakfasts and lunches for my kids, bilingual courses, free in-state college tuition, and relief from high energy bills? –Illegal Alien Association
When is Hamilton County going to wake up and realize that there is a bigger scandal in Jobs and Family Services than the Catholic Church ever thought about having? –Your Courthouse Snitch
On the last day of Homorama, we saw a midget come out of the cupboard. --Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis
It's easy to do my Bluegrass Report on the days when our snitches and bitches e-mail us a lot of vile-and-disgusting pictures. --Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
The best part about not being a candidate is not having to march in any of those stupid Fourth of July Parades. --Michael Liquid Plummer
All my indictments won't stop my fund-raising. --Governor Ernie
We haven't had a single illegal alien employee arrested all week.--Fischer Homes
How about running our latest update? --Mayor Claire Bashers in Crazy Springs
Did anybody remember to send you a copy of my newsletter touting my city's big budget surplus? --Independence Mayor Chris Moriconi
Both Safari Ken Lucas and I agree on keeping the troops in Iraq. --Goof Doofus
How big of a wuss did I look like when I went on ABC-TV and said we didn't need a Flag Burning Amendment? --Bitch McConnell
When Zachary Schmidt pled guilty in Covington on pornography charges, many people wondered how he was related to Mean Jean. --U.S. Attorney's Office
What happened? We haven't arrested a Bad News Bungal all week. --NoKY Law Enforcement Officials
How would you like to be a guest on my new TV show? --Miss Vicki
Did you notice that neither Repeat Bronson nor I received any of those meaningless Society of Unprofessional Journalists Awards? --Patsy Crowley
Although the Freedom did manage to win on Sunday, we're still in last place 13 games out of first place. --Y'All Ville Mayor Blondie Whalen
Here's how you'll know how you're doing. Click on our obituaries, and if you don't see your picture, you're having a pretty good day. --NoKY ComPost
Sometimes we can’t even think of something stupid to say. –TV 19 News
Disclaimer: This publication is sometimes a work of fiction, but it may still contain inappropriate remarks and unsupported personal attacks, especially about "Lifetime Masturbating Federal Judge Mike Barrett"
 The reason for some people's entire existence is to whine about having their feelings hurt, and we're doing our best to accommodate them.
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 Disclaimer:
This publication is sometimes a work of fiction, but it may still contain inappropriate remarks and unsupported personal attacks,
especially about "Lifetime Masturbating Federal Judge Mike Barrett"
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